Sunday, May 17, 2009

////

Happy, Sad, Glad, Frustrated, Anxious, Happy, Sad, Glad, Very Happy

Owkay, enough! Haha.. I was just laughing at myself. Instead of doing my work here, I just wasted my time browsing the net and reading blogs. I couldn't finish a single module! Haaayyyy! What a life. I am so happy, so glad yet so anxious and so sad. I have a lot of things in my head, yet none of them can be contained in just plain words. Ahh! there's one, the financial problem. I hope it'll pass away just like my dog in Manila did. And ohh, I am really tired of this work but I don't want to leave. The CARDS- they kept on warning me, they are cursing me, they are laughing at me! So imma burn them, to hell with them. Goodbye my precious cards. :(
But I'm happy, so damn happy. I don't know where will this take me. To the dungeon again?!!! I don't want to visit that place anymore, don't wanna feel the need to cut anymore! It has been so cold. Now that a glimpse of heat is here, I cannot afford to touch it. Why? Because Im scared, I've been so SCARRED. But then I said to myself, "Kailan pa ako natakot?". No, I've never been so scared. I don't give a f**k, I'm strong, I'm independent, I don't need anyone to be happy, I can be happy and satisfied on my own (what lies you have here, jet?).. But this time....but this time I think I am... SCARED? (What?! you are? wtf?)

Where am I? What am I doing here? Who am I? Who are you? Why are you here? Where will you take me? Why? Why? Is this true? If it's just a dream, it's the sweetest of all. If it'll stop just when I'm enjoying it the most, I'll go back to the dungeon, wishing no prince would ever save me again just to lock me in again. But then Im holding on to all the things he said. Until when would he mean it? I do not know. But it felt so real. If those were lies then, perhaps, lies are true. If I have to take these chances, I want to take these with you.

I'm staring at the monitor, but I don't see it. What I'm seeing is sunset... And.... *secret.. hahaha... Now I'm happy. He's making me feel better. But this sh*t in my head won't leave me. Wtf is this. wtf am I feeling. Wtf is this? Somebody explain.What is this? Innocent heart? I'm not, I don't have that. But...What is this? This is something I never knew before. What is this? What??? Why won't you talk, you d@mN monitor! Talk to me! f**k it, talk to me, I beg you..Where is Miggy? Where are the demm cigars? Oh, sh!+, I think I'm going crazy (again). Somebody stop me.. please..

{Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol}


-- (after this I'll start coding again, promise) --

*

1 Reaction to this post

Add Comment
  1. Anonymous said... November 20, 2009 at 7:50 PM

    Couple years ago a story in the media how girls in Bayview-Hunter's Point were going into puberty at a progressively younger age, as young as age 7.
    A very bad sign::::Early cut-off. From this point it draws the boys attention and ultimately they make sexual mistakes, very similar to what normal people experience but nearly a decade later.
    When they "turn" people on and start talking to them with this technology telepathically is very similar::The end of their chance. They segment families, convince them "earning" is the way, etc.
    I tell people to examine the change between when they were children and after they begin to hear. It is the difference between good and evil.
    I understand people's confusion:::They literally hear "God" in their head, as opposed to what was taught to them in some church's classroom. But this technology is one of the God's tools, and much like their other tools, clone hosts and prophets, they use them as temptation.
    They didn't begin speaking to me until I began working for ownershit group. "You went to work for evil." "And you were punished."