Sunday, May 31, 2009


Losing Control

**all images are made by me***

There are lots of f**king things that people could lose control of. Name one? No, name hundreds - hundreds of them. I'll name some, you continue with the rest. *wink

Well, actually I decided to make this post because recently I am losing control of most of the things I should never lose control of. *sigh sigh sigh.

To start, my top one: cigarette smoking.

Last week I feel tensed because of some things in life (bla bla shit happens) so I decided to puff. "One cigarette a day keeps the tension away", I said to myself. The following days, I found myself looking for cigar already. I've been feeling that I-need-to-smoke feeling again. I used to smoke before but then I needed to stop because my lungs can't take it. I pity myself for always coughing blood that time. "I swear I need to stop", I said to myself 3 years ago. But now...I dunno.. I am drawn to Mr. Marlboro again. I think this is the consequence of the single puff I did some weeks ago. *sigh. What really disturbs me is the fact that I'm almost losing my control. Now, will I smoke (and let my lungs suffer) or will I not (and let my body feel super uncomfty)??? - The big question for me.

Top two: coffee.

This has been my addiction ever since the day I tasted a cup of it. I have to control my intake of coffee because it gives me sleepless nights and dreamful day (LOL, daydreaming). Hmmmm.. I drink for about 6-10 cups of coffee years ago. Gradually, due to self control, I lessen the intake into having just one cup a day or none at all. Hmmm.. But then, lately I felt like I want to drink 20 cups a day, that feeling makes me sick. *rawr

Top three: Alcoholic beverages.

Same story as previously stated: been there, then quitted, then I'm back again. I'm loving beer, rhum,etc..etc.. again. I want to feel the feeling of being tipsy again. Worse is, I miss the feeling of being drunk, that state where I hear myself say "I swear I'll never drink again". Haha.. Funny.. people are funny.. haaayyy..

That was all for me folks! I hope I can still control myself from nicotine, caffeine and alcohol intakes. Those were all bad for my vulnerable body,I'm a cursed sickly person. Goodluck to me in my war against myself, against my urge, against my wants. (I wonder how I'll win or lose *wink)

Effects of Nicotine on the Brain - Watch more amazing videos here
(video from Metacafe;


However, whatever happens, I'm still okay. I have my Zin and that's all that matters.


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