Sunday, April 25, 2010


After watching too much documentaries from History Channel, I am inspired to write a book entitled "ANGEL OF GOD". It would be a story of EVERYTHING in a perspective of a lesser angel which I do not know what to name yet. The book is a narration of this lesser angel who saw EVERYTHING from the Creation upto now. This angel has no power, no gender, cannot fly, cannot teleport, but can see EVERYTHING and hear EVERYTHING. Sometimes this angel talks to God about EVERYTHING and this is all that this angel can do - to talk about it. The only thing that EVERYTHING excludes is God's thoughts, how He thinks, what He thinks and what are His plans. No one but God knows about it.

I will include there about the FALLEN ANGELS. As I know it, those angels decided to go down the Earth and mingle with the humankind. They had intercourse with women throughout the world, of their choice, that brought forth Giants, real giants. Then they taught humankind to make weapons of wars. They also taught them sorcery, astronomy and other "high - end" knowledge.

In my book, I will say that these fallen angels were the one who taught human kind measurements. They talked to pharoas in Egypt to inspire the making of pyramids. Some taught the Greeks about mythology. They also taught the Mayans to make the Mayan calendar. They taught people to make statues of their choice to represent them and call them "gods" because they want to be praised. The Giants helped in building what now considered to be Ancient wonders like Stonehenge, Pyramid of the Sun (Mexico), and the like. These are the wonders of the world that no man can concretely explain how the ancient men were able to do such things.

Hmmmm,,.... This looks similar yet contradictory to History Channel's Acient Alien episode where there are theorists that say our ancestors were taught by aliens. For the book, they were taught by unearthly creature, which are angels rather than aliens. This thought is also similar as written in the Book of Enoch.

I can but just imagine how the things looked like in Ancient time in my story. They saw these angels fly, they mingle with them. Then God reprimanded these angels and outcasted them into the darkest pit called Hell. with Lucifer as their chieftain. Afterward, God revealed Himself to humankind, gave them instructions how to live life, gave them 10 commandments that the first one says : "I AM your God, you shall not  have other gods beside me".

But the lesser angel did not narrate EVERYTHING. It'll be just stuff about that....or whatever...

I can imagine how the book will look like, what are the contents and approximately how many pages it would contain. The only problem is I haven't started it yet and I dont know if I'll every start to write it... coz I always feel tired and lazy :P.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

(Cafe at Night by Vincent Van Gogh) -> i love this painting

April 19, 2010

9:57 pm on the clock (advanced 20 mins.)

Last day, my team leader and my former thesis adviser (who's currently pregnant) were talking about pregnancy. They described how it is to be pregnant. All I get are scary connotations from my team leader who told us about his wife's pregnancy. I cannot add up to the conversation because I cannot relate. But only one thing that comes into my mind - it was horrible. Imagine a baby inside your body! Bbbrrrr.. The thought of it paralyzes my spine.

Oh well, I'm so glad I'm not counted as one of teenage pregnancy case in the world, not a guy has ever touched me and I'm so proud of it. See, I cannot really understand those who "accidentally" makes a baby. For me it was a very selfish thing to bring a child into this world full of war and hunger, giving the fact that the parents are unprepared. But who am I to judge. I'm just so glad that not a man could fool me regarding that stuff. Oh, stupid men. Boys, guys, men - they're just all the same. They break your heart, makes you happy, break your heart and makes you happy, they could either make you or break you, a very boring thing, they're so predictable. I memorize their anatomy, I'm familiar with their psychology, and all I can say is that they're plain boring. But how I'd love them :P. It's unbelievable how they give their powers to women to use it against them. They're all like children, having a strong heart yet stupid.

Oh! I should get a sleep now. But I don't want to 'coz I know I'll be dreaming weird scary dreams again. My nights were just full of nightmares.. huhu... It's been more than a month now when I start to dream real bad dreams. It wakes me in the middle of night, sweating and feeling real scared. No kidding. Then I go to work at day pretending not a dream of grungy stuff ever occured. Sometimes I think I'm sleeping with enemies: my bed that bruises my muscles, depression, stress, confusion and hormonal imbalance. I think I'm manic depressed. :(

Oh well, gotta sleep. Joomla! seminar tomorrow. It feels so lovely to sleep tonight because it's cold...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

(Take me away scandiclove: an imitation
drawn in MSPaint)

Nothing significant here. If I have to write everything that I feel and think today, this post will contain a lot of crappy sh*ts and you'll realize how disturbing I am. For now, I don't want to think about anything anymore except about my hypocrisy.  I used to say to "people that needs fixing" that this world is a nice place to live in. But it feels so chaotic right now... But I know I'm the one who created my own chaos. But I love this. I find peace in this war - filled surroundings, I find peace in this turbulence, I find comfort in my own discord.

Sometimes I just want to run, but you cannot run from your own feet. I am like a root that wants to get out from the soil but I know if I do that, the tree that I carry will die. *Sighs. Whatever. For now I just want to be alone. I want this, I always knew what I want so let me be this, let me be alone, don't argue, I'm closing my  mind so that I can hear the echos in my head that I create. I'm sorry for those who don't like my decision to separate from the world. I want it that way because I'm ending the world as I know it, trying to make a better place.. or whatever.. okay, I'll shut up now.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

 (Somewhere in the middle of this - Drawn in MSPaint)
(I imitated Dishwalla's album art from Opaline)

When you're in love, your senses are always awake. It always feels that you're a superman, that you can do anything.

Even though you sleep at 2 am, talking to him on the phone about anything or everything or nothing at all, you can wake up at 5am still energized and ready for the day.

When you're in love you just want to do your best about your job, every single detail, you want it to be perfect because you want your love to be proud of you.

When you're inlove you just want to be with him everyday and if possible, every second of the day.

And when he is away, the distance kills you... But then it keeps you alive because you know that somewhere in the middle of it, he is there. You know that the only way to be with him is to take the distance (either you do or he does).

when you're inlove you'll get mad because he doesn't call or text the very moment you want to hear from him. But then if he does, everything's okay already and all you got is being more and more madly in - love.

When you're in love you dont tell him that you do and he doesn't tell you that he does, because both of you are AFRAID. That is so stupid and lame. But just let it flow, you'll get to the point when both of you are ready and it's all going to be alright, believe me.

True love conquers all, true love is faithful and eventhough you've waited for 4 years now, you're still willing to wait forever as long as you know that he'll be there too.

When you're in-love, you are patient and hopeful that he's going to wait for you and he trusts you that you're coming home soon.

When you're in-love you beg God to just make everything alright between the two of you, that no matter what you'll be together, that he'll be the one, the very one.

When you are in-love you give everything - and everything is your love - and your love - it's all that you've got coz it's all that you need and all that he needs from you.