Friday, October 15, 2010


I tried my best to be kind in every way. I did not provoke any war, neither did he. We're doing our thing smoothly and peacefully. I'm just wondering why.... Oh well.... The end of THAT chapter. Nothing about it is worth the talk anymore. Let's all move on. I'm thanking the crowd for welcoming me, I love you all. Rakenrawl :D

Here's a better chapter:

Happy monthsary my love,
thank you so much for taking good care of my heart.
I love you so much.

Let's do this for the taking ^__^


Friday, October 8, 2010


I don't want to think too much to the point that I do not know what I am thinking about anymore, so I'm blogging it. As always, this is my release, a proven therapy. I talk to walls, this is my wall.

I think I've felt too much about everything for the past months. I felt too much of negative and positive emotions.

People see that I am happy. Yes, I'm so happy. Having Xtian in my life is unexceptionably overwhelming.  However, I think the crowd only saw the happiness in me and failed to see my agony before. The agony of waiting, hopeless hopes.. you know, waiting for someone's not gonna come (or so I thought). They also failed to see his agony, too much of it to bear. But we have to bear it, together, because we know that someday we don't have to even think about it anymore.

It was all of a sudden.. but it wasn't at all at the same time. It exists - our story - it exists even before you thought it would.

What's just sad is the fact that every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I never wanted to hurt anybody. I am not really the reason of their break - up, I have to be clear of that. Theirs was already dying. It was on it's grave before I came to the picture. It will end anyhow, anyway. It just happened that I entered immediately into the scene. The start wasn't easy because we didn't want to create any commotion, we didn't want to hurt nobody but our hearts just cant hold back. "This is what I've waited for so I'll grab the opportunity to be with him. Who knows, I'll be dead tomorrow. At least I got to feel what it is beside him. At least I knew it was just like heaven, if heaven is like that. It's taking chances to something beautiful." - I heard my self saying.

Now, she blocked me in facebook. What do I expect? She was demn hurt. But in most way I want to offer comfort which I know she won't need, she won't want. I just don't want to hurt someone but this is life. She did it wrong, I didn't like the way she make me and him appear bad and lifting her self as if she's the victim. The people should know about this, we did not say anything hurtful and I don't know where she got that idea.

I hope it'll better soon. I've been praying for her to recover and if she wouldn't want us to be friends, at least she wont treat me as if I did something wrong to her that I should be sorry of. Because I never did anything wrong at all. I just loved, and there's nothing wrong with loving.

Now, all the readers may forget everything that I wrote above but not this one:
It wasn't easy for him. This story, our story wasn't easy to start. He felt bad, so bad. I just want to ask the crowd not to play with this story and make him look bad or whatever because he's no picnic himself. Don't make it hard for him as she did. The crowd doesn't know what she have said and done BEFORE. All of those things, he endured.

I hope everything is fine now. I know this post is too late but I can't help to put it online especially if I know the crowd should know something.

It wasn't easy, so don't make it hard for me or for him.

Thank you for all who supported us and who didn't judged us immediately. Thank you for all who didn't say hurtful words that aims to make me or him feel guilty. Anyway, we are not guilty of anything.

Peace on earth and goodwill to mankind. Rakenrawl.

The End of this chapter.