Friday, August 27, 2010


These Things


I am not really vocal with my feelings so I put them all into writings. This is my outlet. I have to keep silent about everything that’s been happening. I already surrendered everything to the Lord, whatever happens I am assured that He is in control and I’ll always be pleased with that. I don’t exactly know what’s going to happen, I don’t exactly know what’s happening now but there are FEW things I am sure of. First, I love him. Need I say more? Even though he’s not the first one I loved, I want him to be my last. I know it’s too early to say this, I know there are rooms for change of minds and hearts. But right now I am very convinced that I’ll stick with him and we’ll work this out. Second, I just want to make him happy, to know that he’s happy, to see that he’s happy and to feel that he’s happy. As long as there’s smile in his face, as long as I give him peace that he needs, I will be here. I don’t want to make promises so I think I’ll just prove it. I hope the audience could wait until forever for us to prove it. Third, I don’t want to hurt nobody, but my heart just can’t hold back. It’s just so sad because I know what it feels like. I’ve been there, I felt the same and it felt like hell, I felt total darkness. What’s so sad is when you experience same thing and you realized you nailed yourself into the situation. That is just being so stupid and pathetic. And it’s sad when you keep on remaining stupid, it’s sad when you see people like that. They could’ve accepted everything silently and hopefully rather doing some crazy stuffs. If I lose my temper, it will piss me off.

Am I not being too kind? Am I not being generous? I’m doing my best not to hurt someone and at the same time to make him happy. I bet you don’t know what it’s like unless you’re in our situation. I know this wouldn’t be easy but I’m not one to complain. I love him so much to just give it up, just because these things are happening. This is so strong to just give it up, so real to just waste it all. I don’t want to waste forever. I hope this would end so soon. I am not that troubled with the situation, it’s just that I see all the pain he feels and I know I cannot control those people who inflict pain in him. If I could, I would do anything for them to just leave him alone, for them to stop it because it’s hurting him, for them to just f**k off.They're hypocrites, stupid, selfish, bitches, assholes. Need I curse more?

I am not afraid of anything except God. I am always ready about anything, bring it on. I’m eager to surpass turbulence. He loves me and that’s all that matters. He’s a part of my world, actually the most of it.

We are so eager to shout this to the world. But, honestly, the hell I care with the ‘world’. World means other people around us and I could just care less about them. All I care for is him.  It will take time. I am patient and hopeful. He said that he is, too. We’ll do this for the taking. We can do this.


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