Saturday, September 25, 2010


Holding my breath while missing you

I can't take it. No, I CAN. For you I can. It's hard to feel the pain of missing you.

I feel like there are thousand needles in my chest, making it hard for me to breath, thinking that you'll be away. We should be going to mass tomorrow, then we'll have our dinner together, then go anywhere, or just stay home. It doesn't matter as long as we are together. I can't bear the fact that I won't see you for 6 days, it's almost a week. Some may think I'm exaggerating but it's hard for me to survive the day without you - holding my hand, brushing my hair with your fingers, staring at me, teasing me to get me mad and making it up to me after. Almost a week, that thought freaks me out. I am strong, I know I can make it.. crawling, whining or whatever, I can make it. But I am not that strong without you. I never felt so weak, thinking that I can't be with you especially when I know that your 6-day leave can stir up something painful in my life. I can't help but cry. I cry because this is the only thing that I can do for now. I can't stop you, or even if I can, I won't do that. Your touch gives me strength but I think I have to deal  with this life, for a week, without it .Damn these tears won't stop from falling. I am still hopeful. God will never fail us. I prayed everyday to help us to be together forever, now He's giving us the opportunity to. Let's just trust in Him.

We've got plans, we know what to do. Let's just do it for the taking. I'll always be right here waiting for you to come back. I'm serious with our other plan, you know that. At first, I am not really sure, thinking that I'm just 21 years old and you are 24. We've got long years ahead, it's so doubtful that there are people who can make it. But this feeling is so strong, not even time could fade it. I was just thinking about my mother and father, they made it. So why can't we?

I love you so much. Whatever it takes, let's just hold on to each other. You'll always carry my heart with you.

*typing while sobbing, cant see the words, cant move a finger...


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